Loss
by AmazingHefi
Summary: Dis was a strong dwarrowdam. She has suffered many losses during her long life but none hit her as hard as the loss of her family.


Lady Dis was a well respected (and she certainly earned that respect), well mannered (unlike some), brave dwarrowdam, fearsome yet caring mother and sister. She was a person feared and loved by many, especially her family. Over the course of the years, Lady Dis has lost many things: her home, friends, family members and the deep inky black of her hair. But, she has gained a lot too. She gave birth to a pair of the most mischievous dwarves and she loved those boys more than anything.

When they deemed themselves old and mature enough to go on a futile quest with their Uncle Thorin, a stubborn mule of her brother, Dis was raging all over Ered Luin like a bear. No one was safe from glares, angry huffs or spirited rants about danger and "foolish kings" or flying cutlery (only when a certain king-with-no-mountain was near). Dis could feel something bad was going to happen and she didn't like that feeling of foreboding- it made her heart twist.

When the last of her family began their journey, Dis spent most of her days ruling over the Blue Mountain, worrying about Fili, Kili and Thorin and not sleeping. Over a month has passed when she finally got a word from a raven that Erebor has been taken back and her heart almost burst with happiness. She immediately set out to her true home.

What Dis expected to find was not a funeral but a merry feast in one of the grand halls of Erebor. Sure, she expected a few dead but she did not believe that she would be sitting at her sons' deathbed and watch her brother- her proud, strong, stubborn, brother- be lowered into the roots of the mountain he was born to rule with that accursed stone on his chest.

Dis was silent for days, tending to Fili and Kili, wiping the sweat off of their feverish brows and barely looking the remaining company in the eyes.

The proud princess never expected a small hobbit man to speak to her. Mr. Baggins talked of their adventures, halls of The Last Homely House and the mischief of her sons, their bravery and more.

"Tell me, Master Baggins," one day Dis muttered, voice raspy from disuse. "Do you think Erebor was worthy of all these lost lives, lost opportunities? I do not. I was happy in Ered Luin, content to watch my children grow and my brother become a man he always supposed to be but, now, my brother is dead, my sons well on the way to meet our Maker. A home is not stone walls, splendor and twinkle of pretty gems, Master Baggins. A home is the glitter of love in your family's eyes, the warmth of their laughter and the affection you share with them. Erebor... Erebor will never be my home now."

Bilbo Baggins did not know how to answer the woman, how to comfort her in her pain. He knew that pain well- he lost his mother and father to Fell Winter, to the wargs and Orcs and the cold- but it was not the same.

* * *

_Far over the Misty Mountains cold_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old_

Dis sang as she brushed Fili's freshly washed hair. The golden strands slid through her fingers, slightly rough from months of bad care. Her voice was as deep as Thorin's but it broke more often than Thorin's ever did or ever will.

That was the moment her heart broke for the fourth time in her life. Her firstborn has died and he was to be buried, given back to the stone for which he fought.

Dis could only pray to Mahal to spare Kili- the young boy often teased and mocked for his elvish ways and tendencies.

'Please, don't take Kili away too.'

* * *

Dis thought everything was going to be alright when Kili opened his eyes, gentle amber orbs, and smiled up at her. His hand weakly searched for hers and Dis grabbed it, holding onto the frail appendage as if it were her own lifeline.

"Mother." Kili mumbled, "we've won, mother. Erebor is ours."

"Yes, my boy, it is ours." Dis almost laughed feeling her heart warm.

"Where is Uncle? Fili?"

"They're not here, Kili. Not anymore." Dis answered after receiving Oin's affirmative nod. "They're gone, son."

"Where did they go?"

Dis almost screamed because of Kili's innocent and naive question.

"They're gone to Mahal."

Kili's health worsened rapidly after the news and he took his final breath two days after Fili.

Dis blamed herself.

* * *

**Year skip**

A gray-haired dwarrowdam was sitting in Bag End, drinking tea in silence with a pointy eared man. Her sapphire eyes were locked on the map she has seen many years ago.

"Dis, how are you?" Asked the elderly hobbit, his small and gentler hand on top of a slightly larger and rougher one.

"I am well, Bilbo." Dis smiled, turning her tired eyes to Bilbo's.

"It still hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yes." A pause. "Does it ever stop?"

"No, not until the day you leave this world too."

With a sorrowful smile, Dis looked down into her tea cup, mulling over Bilbo's words- almost missing next ones.

"But if you remember those happy times, it will ease the pain."


End file.
